I Fell Into My Soul

By Mary Noseworthy | September 16, 2016


How had it taken me 50 years to get back to my roots? How do we get so far away from what matters?

I had migrated to the land locked prairies. I spend my childhood summers running wild with my redheaded cousins along my east coast home. I loved the summers where wild horses roamed the small out port communities, whales breeched and sang their songs all along the rocky green rugged coast line in the bergie bits. The crunchy sound of sea shells underfoot and squeals of childhood, salt water joys it all echoed in my brain as I paddled through the Great Bear Rainforest of BC. My first WWE adventure. These simple childhood memories surfaced to my consciousness as I paddled. Our guides strong, steadfast and ever encouraging talked us through our greatest fears.

It comes back to you – your soul.

It all started out gloriously as the sun bore down on our kayaks on the big wharf as we packed up the hatches from the remote First Nations Reserve in Northern BC. We spotted over 21 Great Bald Eagles in the first 24 hours. They welcomed us with as we walked through brush with fallen totem poles left in their sacred spot, where they last stood majestic and proud. We dared not speak as the silence of the forest was broken only by the cackling caws from the black mystical ravens like deep baritones. It all spoke of an ancient enigmatic culture. Fragmented whispers in the wind, your own heartbeat….awakenings.

I had never felt so wild and free!

When an eagle appears you are on notice to be courageous and stretch your limits. Reach higher and become more than you believe you are capable of. Be patient with the present, know the future holds possibilities that you may not yet be able to see. You are about to take flight.

Eagle people are seen as visionaries who are willing to push limits of self-discovery and personal freedom. Eagles bring a sense of courage and a desire to explore and grow. Boy how true was this. We all felt it – my tribe. My soul was awakening. I was about to fall in.

We spent three days huddled around a campfire in bad weather under tarp. We were as happy as clams. It was like the best most awesome high school field trip ever. We became beachcombers searching for dry wood, smooth glass treasures the Ocean gave up, and the elusive hunt for that perfect beach rock. We all found beauty in different shapes, sizes, and colors much like us- my new tribe.

photo by Shirlene Campbell

The tree goliaths those incredible 100 foot Redwoods humble you in their quest for the Gods. The fallen Nurse Tress makes a lovely play house for us to explore on our water treks into the forest interior. Felt good to hug the rainforest its DNA interwoven with our own. We pitched our tents on lush green forest carpet or a beach. The lull of the waves soothed us to sleep. The howling coastal wolves and whales serenaded our nights with song. This was the call of the wild.

It was alluring!

Huddled around the Mariners forecast listening to the short wave radio talking tidal changes, wind patterns, incoming weather storms. It was all so fascinating to a City Girl. Fires got started in all kinds of weather.

I would learn these people who migrated here had settled off the sea and the land. They were a Matriarchal society with Clans of the Eagles and Ravens which explained all the totem pole figures. All animals and families had an animal spirit as did tribes and societies. What a fascinating culture and heritage! We paddled past their humble graveyards not wanting to disturb their spirits. Life must have been hard.

We merged into a colorful pod of kayaks hugging the shore for protection to evade the strong flowing tide. One can feel rather small here. The smaller sea lions, seals with their pups, river and ocean otters, minks, provided comic relief to our exhausted bodies and minds. The bears and wolves ever present with their tracks and scat markings made for large conversations and a few dark thoughts at night when it came time to pee. A flashlight offered little security to the blackness of the wild.

The most beautiful sound was that of a sleeping whale. I had never heard it before. Whales don’t sleep they rest coming up to blow. It was an extremely rare sound engraved in my soul.

I was surprised. It took me off guard. The rugged wilds of the Great Bear Rainforest beckoned to me like a call from the wild that captured your own heart in the way little else can. I filled up on Ocean Songs, Rolling Waves, the Songs of the Wild, and Eagles Wings. The harmony with nature, Gods creations in the Great Bear Rainforest it was electrifying in the purest way.

I fell into my soul!

I had chosen this trip as it was the only one that fit into my busy summer shuffle of kid’s activities, work, summer school, and university. At 50 years of age surely there was a wild woman still inside of me. Not yet stifled .I felt the inner joy of the young soul I once was -carefree and joyous.

Accountable only to me, when only self-mattered once again.

Every day I felt gratitude filled my bones. Peace overcame me in this place.

I found my soul again and again and fell in.

Yes the Great Bear Rainforest had awakened my soul, my inner self, my consciousness for that woman who used to run like the wind and whisper at the waves crashing the shores of my childhood.

I finally got to hear it all again the sounds that soothed my soul and cause me to feel alive again like I was reborn.

I finally fell into my soul!

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